Shut The Exit

Tenderness, both as a kiss between lips
And a rap against the flesh
I find my mind swarming with thoughts
As to which form I could withstand the best
How long can I withstand this standing ache
As I peel back the layers that lie beneath
What I try to acknowledge as myself
As a noose decorates me like a wreath

For this noose is not mine
Nor is it something of my making
My love, once held so dear
You are the one, deeply in pleasure, taking
Life, once pure and untainted
My gasping breaths carry my essence
Slowly drowned within yours
I cannot seem to escape your presence

Our glass, once holding great passions
Has now turned a sour note
I struggle to meet your fancies
And gasp as I try to float
The room in which we reside
As I lay down, turning to my side
I feel your touch, unable to hide
As you grasp at me and I swallow my pride

Sinking deeper into this pool of poison
Feeling myself sinking deep
I wonder if I had been chosen
To be just another soul to reap
“Am I your true love?” I mutter
Unable to find an answer
I shudder as I stutter
“Or, am I just another lover?”

Your heart beat feels distant
While I remain beneath these sheets, smothered
“Am I good enough for you?”
I mutter again, my mind remaining cluttered
Your voice, once smooth as butter
Once capable of making my heart flutter
Now reminds me of my fears, my doubts
And frightens me more than I could utter

“Do you love me?” I ask again
Hoping to avoid another reprimand
“What is my crime?  My transgression?”
I know not how much more I can withstand
“What have I done to deserve this?”
“What is my latest blunder?”
It always seemed like my love, my life
Was something for them to plunder

I keep making excuses
I feel so worthless, so useless
While the one I used to love
Punishes me, you are truly ruthless. 
Your fangs sink deep into me
Piercing my veins, hard and scathing
Soaked in my own blood, bathing
Crying to myself as I hear your ranting, raving
I could not deny that I needed saving

A bottle of spirits could not lift my spirit
My mind and body are full of weakness
I dread our meeting, your next visit
I tremble at your feat through the bleakness
I was struck again, as the hour struck ten
A door opened to the room with light at the end
A new page in our story had been written
I was unsure if this was something I could pretend

Why would someone like me deserve this?
Why would I endure so much pain for so little bliss?
I gazed out at the exit, wondering if it would last
How could I forgive myself of my past?
I was not the best partner
I could not have been softer
I should have worked so much harder
I should have taken us farther

I am not deserving to be free
I am deserving of this hell some more
I am a product of this poison
You must close the door
I deserve to stay here
Left to endure this pain
Perhaps one day, I shall leave 
When the door opens again


Penny Layne said…
Dark, disturbing, emotional.
Charged, yet depressing. I LOVE it!

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