Addictions

     


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   My eyes had slowly cracked open once more, once more to reveal Ronny's room, shrouded in a stale haze of smoke.  Ronny and I had tried a new kind of weed, and the stuff was pretty potent.  I wasn't expecting to fall asleep, but I suppose chain-smoking for several hours would eventually put me to sleep.  I've been in a haze for about a week at Ronny's place, trying to forget.  I've been a drug user for a large portion of my life, and I'm always searching for my next dose.  However, the reasons that my friend Ronny and I chase after the beloved high are very different.   Ronny wants to feel that he has no responsibilities and wants to feel that there is nothing holding him back, whereas I simply want to forget those nights.  The night I lost Jenette two months ago after she tried to drive her and me away from a late drinking party, and ended up flying through the windshield and crashing headfirst into a large tree.  I can still remember her dismembered corpse laying in a bloody pile partially attached to the windshield and partly splattered in a heaping mess across the hood of the crashed car.  Her grisly image has remained imprinted in my mind to this day.

             I look for new and strange drugs to try and take the edge off of my pain, and my guilt for not having called us a cab, or tried to call for someone else.  I shouldn't have been so angry at her to say that we didn't need anyone to drive us and that I was going to drive us.  In fact, I would have taken her place in that wreck, but I was too selfish to think about her for her sake.  She decided to take the keys from me and told me that if I didn't get in the car with her, she would leave me there at that party to walk all the way home.  We got about two miles down the road before we came to that fateful crash.  Forgetting that night, and the nights I spent afterwards talking with her family and witnessing her body being buried in the ground seems impossible to me.  Every time I wake up, day or night, that image remains stuck in my head, the image of her lifeless body laying across the hood of my car.


             Ronny decided to wake up early for once and was scrambling some bacon with eggs.  He always likes to mix in random condiments or other food items like leftover pizza or ranch dressing into my serving, that is unless I stop him first.  "Ronny!  You better not be putting any ranch in my eggs, you bastard!"  Ronny looked over at me with his crooked tooth smile and responded coyly

           "Oh!  Come on David!  You never want to try out my special recipes..."  Ronny was swaying his thin hips around as he mixed the eggs with a wooden cooking spoon, almost as if he was trying to emulate a woman cooking.  Ronny began to whistle to add more to the joke.

           I wasn't having any of it.  "Quick playing around, asshole!  I don't want any of your bullshit in my eggs."

             Ronny continued to play on with his joke.  He changed his voice to a higher pitch to insult me even more.   "Is it because you don't want a strong, but sensitive woman to cook for you?"

             "NO!  It's because you suck at cooking, you jackass!"

             Ronny changed his tone back to his normal voice and urged me on.  "Oh!  Come on, David.  You know I'm just kidding.  Your eggs are ready whenever you are."  I slowly struggled to my feet, both of them having fallen asleep, and began to trudge my way over to the table.  Ronny spoke again.  "Did you have another one of those dreams?"

                I looked up at him with a forced smile.  "Nope!  I think I may be getting over that bitch!"  I continue to put up this act, trying to make Ronny think that I'm getting better, hoping that maybe if I fake it with him, maybe I can convince myself.  I'm not sure why I wanted to try this, but nothing else has worked so far, and if I can't seem to make myself forget, I'll fake it to make it seem like I'm doing better.

                 "Sounds great man!  Hey, I'm gonna head out to a party in five, wanna come with?"  We were both about halfway through our eggs when my stomach began to argue with me on having food go down into it, and began demanding that I wretch something else up.  I ran off to the bathroom and began to vomit into the toilet.  This was the second time this week, and I'm not sure if I'm getting sick, or if this new weed I'm smoking is toxic.  Ronny said that he got it from an old friend of Jenette, but he never told me where she grew her product.  For all intensive purposes, I didn't really care.  Well....that was until now.   I vomited up the contents of my stomach.  I had only had pizza last night, and nothing green in it, so it was a bit strange to find my vomit to be completely green.  But it wasn't just any kind of green, it was the color green you would see in a plant.  But what I found stranger than the color of my putrid regurgitated stomach contents is that I began to see marijuana leaves float around in the liquid.  I reached in with disbelief and pulled out leaves, leaves that were fresh.  Well...as fresh as wet, vomited on marijuana leaves can be.  I hadn't eaten any sweets or anything with weed in them, nor did I put it on my pizza.  I had only been smoking weed.

                   I thought to call Ronny in, but he was already laughing and heading out the door to the party.  "I'll be back later man!  Don't puke out all of my eggs!"  The door to the apartment had closed, and I was left alone.  I couldn't believe what I was seeing, but I decided to just let it go.  It wasn't the strangest thing I had seen, and it certainly wouldn't be my last.  I went back to my bed and lied back down.  I felt cold, so I put on a hoodie to help warm me up and to help put myself in complete darkness so I could sleep.  I began to dream about that night again, except when the car crashed, I blacked out in the dream and appeared somewhere completely different.  I appeared in what looked like a white room, with no windows or anything descriptive in its appearance, all except for a lone plant pot, with no plant inside of it.  I noticed that I was sitting in a chair, so I stood up and began to explore my way around the room.  I put my hands on one of the walls and felt that it was solid concrete.  There was no way to break out, and no way to escape.  I was confused and a bit frightened, but I began to truly fear for what would happen to me next.

             I saw the plant pot that was in the center of the room began to vibrate and move.  I slowly walked over to the plant pot, the pot vibrating more and more with each step, till finally I had arrived just two steps away from it.  The pot stopped vibrating, and a small green shoot began to quickly sprout out from the dirt.  The shoot began to spread out.  From the top, grew small green branches, from those branches , grew leaves, and those leaves began to branch out more and more.  I began to realize as this plant took its shape that it was sprouting into a marijuana plant, or so I thought it was a marijuana plant.  At the top of the plant, a small flower began to sprout and bloom.  I walked closer and looked over the top of the flower, and realized that the inside of the flower resembled Jenette's face in exact detail.  I nearly jumped back in fear when I saw its eyes open.  The face began to speak in Jenette's voice.   "You still feel the guilt don't you?  The guilt of having me die, because you let your pride get the better of you.  That night, it didn't matter that we got home safe, it mattered that you didn't take anyone's help, and you're continuing to suffer.  Your addictions are eating you alive, but you're too dumb to see it."  I was taken aback by the plant's words, and more so by its change of tone.  "But don't worry, I'm the best addiction that you could ever ask for, and we can both learn how to grow from this."  The plant lunged at me and forced me to shoot up awake from my slumber.

           I was awake in a cold sweat from what happened.  I couldn't believe what had just happened.  I wanted to make sure that I was alive, so I proceeded out of my bed and went into the bathroom.  The mirror was dirty, but I could still use it to check myself.  I walked in, pulled off my hood, and began to examine my face.  I checked my eyes first; nothing unusual.  I opened my mouth; nothing unusual.  I checked both sides of my face; nothing unusual.  I slammed my face to see if I would experience pain; nothing unusual.  But then I saw it, the thing that frightened me the most.  I took notice of small, green leaves that were caught underneath my fingernails.  I rolled back the sleeves of the hood and saw that my veins had turned a bright green, and were pulsating.  I began to hear Jenette's voice in my head.  "You see, we can both grow from this experience, David."  I began to feel my veins pulsate and my muscles under my skin began to twitch as I felt something inside my body began to snake along the entire length of my body, slowly reaching across every crevice under my skin.  My skin was starting to turn a light green.  "Your addictions have cost you everything, all except your life.  THAT belongs to me!"  I began to feel my legs move without any provocation, and my entire body turned and began to walk towards the kitchen.  My arms reached out and fiddled around in the knife drawer.

             I was panicking, fearing for my life as I saw my hands withdraw a massive knife from the drawer.  "Jennette!  You don't have to do this!"  She began to force my arms to be raised above my head, poised and ready to plunge the knife into me.  "Please.  I can change.  Can you forgive me."

              Jenette's tone of voice changed once more, to a voice that was either insane or demonic.  "Oh!  I already forgave you!  I've just come to take what's mine!!!"  And with that, she plunged the knife into my gut and began to twist the knife.   She let out twisted laughter as she did so, taking pride in the next six stabs into my gut that she drove in with painful jabs, and twisted the blade after each one.  After that was done, she forced my hand to grab a nearby pencil and forced it deep into one of my open wounds.  She withdrew it, completely covered in blood and told me in a whisper, "Now write about how this happen".  I wrote down everything that leads up to this point, and I wanted to leave anyone who finds this message with one warning.  Don't let your addictions take control of your life.  Because once you plummet too deep into your addictions, they will eventually come to take what they are owed.

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